Sunday, September 7, 2008

Controversial Blog # 2: Don't wear seatbelts!


One of the biggest lies put out by the left wing liberal media is this crazy seatbelt thing. Seatbelts do not save lives. Seatbelts were first initiated into the Big 3 auto makers of Detroit (Sony, Quaker Oats, and Motorola) back in 1987. Before that year cars didn't even come with seatbelts. Prior to 1987 all vehicles built in the USA had special composite-sponge dashboards and hard rubber steering wheels that were harmless to head and upper body during a sudden stop.


After Jimmy Carter was re-elected in 1985 the Georgia-based string and twine conglomerate Zeetbelltz, LLC (a German / Suisse based company that had been US based for decades) declared bankruptcy citing the Democrats as the reason. In fear of retaliation the Carter administration decided to award the next big government contract to the Zeetbelltz Corporation in an attempt to get them back on their feet.


That year, the Air Force developed a hovercraft which was a hybrid between a Volkswagen beetle and a Hummer (Hummers were officially released the following year). During its initial test flight the hovercraft slid into water and crashed. The pilot was killed.


The pilot was Chuck Yaeger, an influential member of the socialist bourgeois movement out of Rhode Island. In the late 1980s Rhode Island had not yet undergone its famous reduction in size, yet. The state boundaries stretched out west to what is now Eastern Kansas. The US House of Representatives was dominated by Rhode Island congressmen who were furious at the Air Force for allowing one of their own to be killed in the line of duty. As commander in chief President Carter decided to avoid bad press and kill two birds with one stone...


1) He made it mandatory for all vehicles in the US (military or civilian) to be built with supplemental restraining systems.


2) He gave the government contract to Zeetbelltz, Inc. who promptly re-named the company to avoid bankruptcy repercussions. The new restraint devices were named after the new company: seatbelts.


The whole thing was a combination government bail-out / bad press reaction from a third-term, lame duck president who was already independently wealthy off of Billy Beer.


Since 1987 the number of highway traffic fatalities in the US has tripled, while the string and twine assembly workers union of Georgia has earned billions of dollars, and grown so large that last year they actually purchased CNN.


Think about it.

3 comments:

Nancy Lewis said...

Looks like you're vying for editor-in-chief of The Onion.

How about posting about something controversial that you really believe in?

Sex, Politics, Religion - have at it!

Ahmari said...

I found that very, very, unbelievable....and you certainly agree.

joe said...

Ahmari! Hey! Good to see you here, bud... Now I'm inspired to post more.