Oh, so I’m a movie critic now? No, just a geek with too much time on his hands.
Okay, we all know Star Wars is one of the coolest movies ever. But, like any other story, it has flaws. Some of them even ridiculous. For example, in the original (Episode IV: A New Hope), Darth Vader knows that the stolen plans which can destroy the Death Star are inside R2-D2. He puts a tracking device on the Millennium Falcon so that when Han, Leia, Luke and the gang escape he can track the ship to the hidden rebel base. But why let them escape at all? Why not kill them, destroy the droids, and live happily ever after ruling that galaxy as a dark sith lord? The argument is, of course, that he wanted to know the location of the secret rebel base, and that’s why he let them escape so he could track them and locate it. So, okay hey, why not remove the plans from R2, and then let them escape? Then you can track them to the secret rebel base, when they get there they’ll realize they don’t have the plans, and you just cruise in with the Death Star and blow them up?
And, on the same issue, Princess Leia knows they’re being tracked. She even says to Han “They’re tracking us. It’s the only explanation for the ease of our escape.” Alright, so if you know you’re being tracked, why fly right to the secret rebel base? Why not fly the Millennium Falcon to an abandoned Wal Mart parking lot and just leave it there? Or, better yet, fly it to Wrigley Field in Chicago and park it there. Then, when the empire shows up they look like a bunch of stupid Nazis standing there in the parking lot, just like in the Blues Brothers! Then, you casually make your way back to the secret rebel base using public transportation, download the plans at your leisure, and go launch your attack on the Death Star later?
And, my favorite… In the final episode (Episode VI: Return of The Jedi) you’ll recall that the empire is building a new Death Star to replace the destroyed one in episode IV. So why not go and destroy it? Well, that’s the plan, but there’s this shield generator which emits from the surface of Endor (where those freakin’ little Ewoks live) protecting it. So, even if the rebel fleet arrives it won’t be able to destroy the Death Star because there’s a shield up. But then the rebels learn the secret location of the shield generator (on Endor) and plan their attack. Well, toward the end of the movie the Emperor says to Luke, “It was I who revealed the location of the shield generator. Your friends are walking into a trap.”
Why tell the rebels where the actual shield generator is? I mean, if all you want is for the rebels to show up so you can kill them, why not lie and tell them a false location for the shield generator? Then when they show up they won’t be able to turn the generator off, the Death Star stays protected, and you kill the rebels! But no, the Emperor tells them the actual location of the generator, they show up and destroy it! And then, of course, the rebels proceed to destroy the Death Star, and the Emperor in it, too.
What was the Emperor thinking? What was Darth Vader thinking? I mean, I understand the idea(s) behind the strategy (strategies)… But never hand a man a loaded gun just to see if he’ll shoot you with it!
You know I’m really bored here at work when I’m dissecting 30 year old science fiction movies made for children.
Okay, we all know Star Wars is one of the coolest movies ever. But, like any other story, it has flaws. Some of them even ridiculous. For example, in the original (Episode IV: A New Hope), Darth Vader knows that the stolen plans which can destroy the Death Star are inside R2-D2. He puts a tracking device on the Millennium Falcon so that when Han, Leia, Luke and the gang escape he can track the ship to the hidden rebel base. But why let them escape at all? Why not kill them, destroy the droids, and live happily ever after ruling that galaxy as a dark sith lord? The argument is, of course, that he wanted to know the location of the secret rebel base, and that’s why he let them escape so he could track them and locate it. So, okay hey, why not remove the plans from R2, and then let them escape? Then you can track them to the secret rebel base, when they get there they’ll realize they don’t have the plans, and you just cruise in with the Death Star and blow them up?
And, on the same issue, Princess Leia knows they’re being tracked. She even says to Han “They’re tracking us. It’s the only explanation for the ease of our escape.” Alright, so if you know you’re being tracked, why fly right to the secret rebel base? Why not fly the Millennium Falcon to an abandoned Wal Mart parking lot and just leave it there? Or, better yet, fly it to Wrigley Field in Chicago and park it there. Then, when the empire shows up they look like a bunch of stupid Nazis standing there in the parking lot, just like in the Blues Brothers! Then, you casually make your way back to the secret rebel base using public transportation, download the plans at your leisure, and go launch your attack on the Death Star later?
And, my favorite… In the final episode (Episode VI: Return of The Jedi) you’ll recall that the empire is building a new Death Star to replace the destroyed one in episode IV. So why not go and destroy it? Well, that’s the plan, but there’s this shield generator which emits from the surface of Endor (where those freakin’ little Ewoks live) protecting it. So, even if the rebel fleet arrives it won’t be able to destroy the Death Star because there’s a shield up. But then the rebels learn the secret location of the shield generator (on Endor) and plan their attack. Well, toward the end of the movie the Emperor says to Luke, “It was I who revealed the location of the shield generator. Your friends are walking into a trap.”
Why tell the rebels where the actual shield generator is? I mean, if all you want is for the rebels to show up so you can kill them, why not lie and tell them a false location for the shield generator? Then when they show up they won’t be able to turn the generator off, the Death Star stays protected, and you kill the rebels! But no, the Emperor tells them the actual location of the generator, they show up and destroy it! And then, of course, the rebels proceed to destroy the Death Star, and the Emperor in it, too.
What was the Emperor thinking? What was Darth Vader thinking? I mean, I understand the idea(s) behind the strategy (strategies)… But never hand a man a loaded gun just to see if he’ll shoot you with it!
You know I’m really bored here at work when I’m dissecting 30 year old science fiction movies made for children.
2 comments:
Jeez! Now you've ruined it all for me! JK.
Leave the Ewoks alone!
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